"Seeing..."

Journal Dec 17
Its been a really interesting few days. For about a week now, I´ve been so disappointed in humans. With the reality of it all...the fact that we always take the easy way out or don´t do what we should because its easier. I feel like I see human nature...the natural man...more clearly than ever before and I don´t like it. God has given us everything...and we live so far beneath our privileges. 

My disappointment basically got to the point of despair...how could we all be this bad when the gospel of Jesus Christ is so good? How can we..even though we´ve been given the formula for perfect progression, joy, and peace...let stupid and petty things blur our vision and obscure our path? I didn´t understand. Luckily, I had my interview yesterday. President´s calling is directly from God. He shared with me Moses 7 in which God looks at the world and weeps. Enoch can´t believe that the God that is all powerful, the God that made the worlds who is full of glory, can weep. He asks God and God gives the painfilled response that these, thy bretheren, are the workmanship of mine own hands and I´ve given them a commandment to love one another and to choose me...but they are without affection and hate their own blood. And that Christ suffers and pleads on their behalf and yet they remain wicked. God then tells Enoch of the doings of the children of men and Enoch understands and he weeps. 

This understanding and this sight...the ability to see and understand other people comes with a horrible price...the price we pay is to weep bitterly..to have our hearts swell wide as eternity, to have our bowels yearn...I feel like I´ve experienced the beginnings of this sight. To know, to see, to understand the ugly nature of man...selfishness, pride, apathy. The cold things of the world are more black, more obvious, and more cause for sorrow than at any other time in my life. I´m repulsed and saddened when I encounter these things..and that is the price we pay. We hurt. The amazing thing is, however, that this sight comes with joy, peace, and light that can and will outweight, brighten, and illuminate any dark parts. The all consuming fire and joy of rising above the dark..of fighting against it for the greatest good...to not ride the easy wave of apathy but to actively and brightly seek the Savior is a joy and peace beyond description.

 Of course I want to ¨see¨of course I want to understand because although it hurts, this pain I feel has been swallowed up in the joy and mercy of the atonement of Jesus Christ. He has plead before the father for everyone of us and it is ultimately our own decision whether we will love one another and choose God. I hope my knowledge of the world, of God, of everything can continue to grow because I know I´ve only been introduced to the topic...

Anyways, that´s what I learned. I think you two understand. I´m still trying to wrap my head around it. With your calling especially, dad, you see. It hurts. I love you both so much and have never been happier. Merry Christmas! Be waiting by the PHONE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Love you both!